Sunday, January 18, 2009
another week.
and i can't believe i actually have time now to post a blog.
yes, i'm actually sitting in front of the computer,
with all my duties, responsibilities and obligations done.
well, except my homework.
and the freaking math test come jan 22.
mind you, it's already 18 jan and i know shit about differentiation.
and many more.
the reason i can be so laidback is cause there is no training today.
nor was there one yesterday.
i honestly feel guilty when i don't train.
yet when i do,
sometimes i just feel like dying and stopping.
like that day we went for external training.
i was honestly upbeat and ready to move.
but i was seriously darn it pissed with myself as the evening wore on.
sometimes you get the feeling that you aren't doing enough.
sometimes you'll feel you've already done your best.
and then there're times you feel you can do better,
but for some reason you aren't doing so.
and, ladies and gentlemen, this is the feeling i've had the entire week.
and boy, am i frustrated with myself.
time's running out and i still haven't gotten "enlightened".
i feel like i disgraced the people who mattered.
like my dad and mom.
they've been really supportive.
especially my dad recently.
which really makes me want to do well for him.
for those who have no idea what my dad did for me,
he bought me the liverpool home grounds kit.
and even went to get gerrard's number printed.
specially for me.
i want to do well,
i really do.
but sometimes i really wonder.
if there're just some reasons that i can't seem to do it.
or am i just not dedicated enough.
not working hard enough.
not focusing enough.
so when's enough?
and just how much must i put in and give in so that God in Heaven will be touched?
or perhaps He's just planning something which i have absolutely no control over?
and i really wonder what He has in store for me.
perhaps certain things turn out the way they are to allow me to grasp how to deal with certain things.
and certain things just aren't meant to be cause i've already set my mind on something else.
they say you can't have your cake and eat it too.
how true, how true..
peace.
p.s. cm, that guy had better be cool and hot.
no freaking way should he disgrace kimi.
no way, man.
then spidey crashed into my room so i had to stop and see if he's ok at 1/18/2009 02:16:00 PM